I am sr. Agnese Valieri. I come from Ferrara – Italy. I come from a poor family. I joined the Congregation in 1966 and professed in 1968. I was sent to Uganda in 1975. My first mission was Morulem. As a nurse, I worked in the Leprosy Centre of Morulem for about 10 years. Some of those years, I also worked for the promotion of young women in the same mission of Morulem.
After that, I was sent to take part in a course of Catechesis and Pastoral in Kenya organized by AMECEA. This course aims at building small Christian communities. Soon after, I was given the responsibility of the Catechetical Training Centre in Karamoja for the formation of catechists. In 2001, due to health problems, I was sent to U.S.A., where I worked for six years among the poor and migrants. Lately, I came back to Uganda, where I served the diocese of Gulu for 12 years in the specific pastoral work of family formation and marriage preparation. I worked alongside a well-qualified couple, a catechist, and other occasional collaborators. At that time, the context was very volatile. The Acholi population was timidly or fearfully coming out from the “internal displaced camps”, where people have been forced to live for 20 years due to the L.R.A., terrorist group led by Joseph Kony. During those 20 years, people systematically suffered human rights violations, from both the L.R.A. and the Government Army. All good traditional and religious human values of the society were lost and destroyed, as well the family life. That time was characterized by poverty, loss of properties, land grabbing, hunger, and sickness. Our mission and parish were destroyed too.
In the process of Pastoral care of the family and marriage preparation, I came to know couples of different countries and cultures. I prepared for marriage many mixed couples: Italian – Acholi, Lango – Italian, English – Acholi, American – Acholi. As well as interfaith couples: Catholic – Born Again, Catholic – Muslim, Catholic – Church of Uganda, Traditional or local religion and Catholic.
In the experience of dialogue with the traditional beliefs and people from other religious denominations, I learnt to develop an attitude of listening to the local people to know the positive and the negative aspects of the tradition (I used to say to my own self that “all what promote human dignity is good and all what destroys human dignity, it’s bad…!”)
The most challenging aspect was to follow the church regulations for mixed couples. The challenge lies on the baptism of the members of the couple and/or family. The Catholic Church must recognize the baptism and considered it valid.
If one member is not baptized in the Catholic Church or in another Christian denomination recognized by the Catholic Church, he/she must receive the baptism in the Catholic Church.
In the past, often, women used to convert to their partners’ religion. However, nowadays, educated couples wish to remain faithful to their own original religion. In these occasions, marriages are celebrated in private, either the sacristy or the chapel. Moreover, members of the extended family are not allowed to take part in the celebration.
When the groom’s baptism is recognized by the Catholic Church, the marriage is celebrated in his Church with the passive participation of the members of the Catholic Church authorities.
These practices can promote a discriminating attitude which influences the extended family members, the education of the children in the Catholic Church and their participation in the
sacramental life. During preparation of mixed and interfaith couples for marriage, dialogue helps to promote tolerance, love, and commitment, which equips them to face difficulties and to avoid conflicts. Children of mixed marriages identify themselves with both parents’ culture and religion, which can confuse them.
The extended family can have a negative influence in the couple: Most of the time, couples must cope or deal with traditional marriage and church marriages.
First, traditional marriage is done in their villages where the members of the two families meet and decide all affairs concerning their traditional union. Dowry is the most important matter, which seals the marriage.
A Traditional religion believer and a Catholic must follow a full journey program of conversion through the preparation for the Sacraments of Initiation. This is also done for couples who for many reasons (polygamy, divorce or separated with many children from both partners) have left the Catholic Church and decide to marry in the Catholic Church. The contact with the members of the extended family is indispensable to clarify the decision of the mixed couple to get married in church. In this way, negative interferences with the new couple are avoided.
I believe that the significance of dialogue is the most significant value I have acquired in this ministry. Dialogue opens the capacity to understand the positive and negative aspects of interfaith and/or inter-denominations encounters. Genuine openness, sincere trust and confidence between couples, families, and facilitators (myself, catechists, couples, facilitators) helps to overcome prejudices towards different beliefs and traditions and fosters tolerance between extended family members. Ultimately, dialogue widens the capacity to accept each other’s faults, weaknesses, and gifts. Couples and extended family members participate in celebrations like birthdays, marriages, initiation to adulthood, funerals, family problem-solving meetings, etc. Consequently, couples and family members acquire the attitude of true friendship finding time to spent listening to each other’s problems and also giving forgiveness when needed. The capacity/willingness to give time to pray together with their children, family members and neighbours, or to visit other families in need is extremely important. Ultimately, the serenity within families fosters peace in the society.
Sr. Agnese with a Ugandan couple
This is the right community that has the capacity to welcome Jesus the Saviour into their lives; enabled to live with the true values of the Gospel: respect, reconciliation, forgiveness, faithfulness, trust; in short: true love – the way of building small Christian communities: the domestic church.
My desire is the restoration of the extended family life in Africa. I dream of the incarnation of the values of the Gospel in the traditional African values and the formation of a new society, where justice, peace, respect, and acceptance might dominate.
My wish is that tribalism could be overcome, and human life could be respected. I dream of a society where everyone can live together in peace. I wish and desire that wars and conflicts could come to an end and peace established all over the world. I dream of the healing and restoration of family life. I wish parents and adults – elders could regain the loss of authority, which is necessary to guide, educate their children, who are the future of any society. I wish all boys and girls (teenagers) could have a family to guide them in the right ways of life and prevent them from living alone in the streets and marketplaces in danger of getting sick, being prostituted, exploited, or trafficked.
My wish and desire are that people could own their own land, avoid migrating, or live in displaced camps where promiscuity, sex abuse, children abuse, diseases and early pregnancy take place, illicit children are born, and loss of identity occurs. My vision for the future is that the new generations of Comboni sisters carry on the ministry of Family Building – and through the family might contribute to build a new world free to cooperate – collaborate with all people of good will to foster love, respect, tolerance, towards all people living in this world and towards nature as well.
Sr. Agnese Valieri (Uganda Province)
From In Dialogue n.11
